This is a short one but I wanted to let you know I haven’t forgotten about you. I haven’t up and left.
June has swallowed me like a big whale. After the first Archangels book launch, I spent two nights in Venice. I felt the words of a swan coming out of my mouth like they were sparkling in Quality Street wrappers. We have another launch coming up this Wednesday in Birmingham. Performing is something my mind had taken away from me for the longest time. I think my body has taken it back.
Venice was beautiful and I was very fortunate to be there. 3,50 euro Aperol Spritz. I walked around. Basked in the Biennale like a filthy obnoxious influencer. Mosquitoes love me I think. Especially my right leg. Up until three days ago, I had blistered bites the size of my palms. They were hot and there’s not much you can do. I rubbed on Savlon and Hydrocortisone cream. I took antihistamines for the first time.
I’ve been reading Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami for nearly a year. I am a dire slow reader. I find I read the best on planes, or once I’m out of the country — an allowance to spend time with words when I’m finally unreachable. Two summers ago I read Kawakami’s Heaven and had never read words so cut-throat but comprehending. I bought that copy in the Waterstones in Birmingham. She details trauma bonds so precisely and with such mediation; bleeding-out behaviours of unfair life, without warning. You slip into her books like you would these relationships, and you feel the drab length of a hormonal afternoon.
I listened to Joyelle McSweeney recite her poetry on one of my favourite podcasts, Poetry Off the Shelf. When words are silken and peel like layers of butter. I love singing and I want to sing more of my writing.
SO MUCH KEEPS GOING WRONG is what I would scream and yell if I lost faith in the universe and my belief in its sacred planning. My spirituality has not rusted just yet. Room for spare keys and open doors of synergetic divine timing. Forest parties where nettles only hurt me.
It’s past midnight and I lost my Duolingo streak. I’m trying to pack up my bedroom and the past two years into tote bags because they’re all I have. Just a hopeless girl and her tote bags.
You can now buy Archangels online here, or come watch us perform on Wednesday. I miss you.